Skills-Universe

Fighting the growing Aids infection Rate in women

 

Men should take note and decide how to help 

 

The rate of infection in women is growing at an alarming rate. It is 3 times higher than in men. This is alarming. It verifies that transmission from man to woman is a big factor and a definite cause of infection.

 

Here are some statistics you might find of interest.

·        In sub-Saharan Africa 60% of people living with HIV are women

·        In South Africa prevalence in women aged 15 to 24 is three times higher than in young men.

 

The cause perhaps is the growing inequality between men and women and the ongoing prevalence of human rights violations against women. This would include rape, violence against women and human trafficking of women and young girls for prostitution.

 

·        400000 babies are born in Africa every year with HIV and 30% die before reaching one year old due to the unavailability of medication.

·        This indicates 400000 women had not been checked for HIV or had no treatment to prevent mother to child transmission

 

A great deal more needs to be done to protect women and young girls and women and young girls need to do more to protect themselves.

 

We need to concentrate our efforts on EDUCATING MEN AND YOUNG BOYS on their responsibilities towards women. Young men need to wake up and realise that they are a primary cause of HIV/AIDS infections. Transmission from male to female is far greater than from female to male – the reason should be obvious and should not require any elaboration.

 

Its time we addressed the issue with men’s and boy’s organisations.

Its time we had educational sessions directed specifically at men and boys either in the home, the school and the workplace.

Its time men and boys realised that apart from injecting sperm into a woman or young girl during intercourse, they are potentially injecting death.

Its time men and young boys realised that sexual intercourse, outside of marriage, without the use of a condom is no longer acceptable.

Its time men and boys faced up to their responsibilities related to sex, sexuality, the rights of women and young girls and HIV/AIDS transmission.

Its time men and boys realised - SEX WITHOUT CONSENT IS RAPE.

Its time the youth and men in general realised - NO MEANS NO

 

 

Des Squire

Applied management Studies International (Pty) Ltd

011 646 9369 or dsquire@amsi.co.za

Views: 81

Replies to This Discussion

I think we have been trying for so long to educate men on issues that are affecting women,for me a lack of responibity or interest in women issues contributes a lot in increasing the rate of infection in women and children.Men have been taking a back seat when it comes to those issues.Men need to take responsibility for their actions and behaviour and start involving themselves in organisstions that are dealing with these issues.When we conduct trainings you will see that majority of people attending is women,men are at home doing nothing,we now that change is not easy and women have been involved in caring for others long time ago, but men need to take initiative and get involved.There are groups being formed for men only where they discuss these issues yet few men are involved.Men need to understand the position that they put their partners into ,they put a lot of risk on them buy having multiple concurrent patners and refusing to use condoms consistantly.Our young boys need to have role models,fathers and brothers need to demonstrate good behaviour and have 1 patner in order for them to learn the right way.
You make some very valid points. As i say in the blog "Men need to wake up and realise they are a primary cause of HIV/AIDS infections" The lack of interest shown by men to issue surounding HIV/AIDS is valid. As a matter of interest if you check the current membership of this group you will see it is made up predominantly of women.
Come on you guys, what can we do as men to prevent HIV/AIDS spreading?
Have you gone to be tested yet?
I have.

Queen Sibinda said:
I think we have been trying for so long to educate men on issues that are affecting women,for me a lack of responibity or interest in women issues contributes a lot in increasing the rate of infection in women and children.Men have been taking a back seat when it comes to those issues.Men need to take responsibility for their actions and behaviour and start involving themselves in organisstions that are dealing with these issues.When we conduct trainings you will see that majority of people attending is women,men are at home doing nothing,we now that change is not easy and women have been involved in caring for others long time ago, but men need to take initiative and get involved.There are groups being formed for men only where they discuss these issues yet few men are involved.Men need to understand the position that they put their partners into ,they put a lot of risk on them buy having multiple concurrent patners and refusing to use condoms consistantly.Our young boys need to have role models,fathers and brothers need to demonstrate good behaviour and have 1 patner in order for them to learn the right way.
I couldn't agree more to the points you have raised Queen. If you watched E-News on Wednesday (07 April 2010) the manner in which lesbians are being treated by some men, shows the little respect these men have for women. And the pathetic excuse they give is that they are teaching them "lesbians" a lesson by raping them. My question was, who teaches gay men a lesson then if its all about teaching others a lesson? I am not supporting lesbians or gays but I still think every human deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

It is so sad when you see that the very same men that were meant to protect women are the one' that are violating women and children. This world has become a very scary place to live in, where some men think they can take anything they want at any time. It is sad really and the most painful part of all is the damage caused by the impulse acts of arrogance. In this new South Africa, we cant say there are still people that dont know the dangers of sleeping with multiple partners. I think its all arrogance and selfishness from those men that refuse to respect their partners and women in general.
I think all of the points raised are valid and important ones. Power inequality is a huge thing within our society. Some difficulties exist though around isolating men. Elizabeth Mills did some very valid work on this. She argued that if we make men into villains in the formula, and women into victims, then men feel persecuted and are less likely to become involved in seeking treatment, solutions and working together to combat infection (her work is available from the CSSR website). Another danger, of course, is that if men do turn their backs on women who are HIV positive, how willing is a woman going to be to tell a future partner? This places men at increased risk of transmission due to lack of disclosure. It's quite a complex situation! Somehow we need to make all parties feel comfortable enough to explore the issues and reflect upon them, so that there is mutual benefit.
I am a man. I am a black man. I am raising my son as a single parent and I am unemployed. I parted from my wife because she beat me. The best I could do to be in the relationship was to keep silent, walk away or feel scared or drink to feel 'ok' in her presence. Coming home from work was a nightmare because I felt scared to come home.

I am one of a large group of men that are working on their issues, supported by other men having issues like these. To my knowledge I have not infected a woman with STI let alone HIV-AIDS yet I have been to the clinic several times to clean STI infection from women that I would have slept with after having negotiated for some time on building trust to eventually stop using the condom. In fact because I have a weak, insecure disposition when I am with a woman, I learnt from a very young age to not speak my mind or stand for myself because as a child each time that I did stand up to my mother I got a whacking and beatings that left neighbours wondering whether I would be alive the next day. I remember me being asked what I had done wrong and no one I remember of standing up to my mother to say what she was doing was wrong, oh that is a lie a few times but in passing. My alternative was to play a "yes" person to my mother and never got to be the man but a submissive one to my mother. I have carried this into all my relationships with women whether intimate or in the work environment. I feel afraid when I am with a woman because I do not know when is what is the right thing to do or to say. Your look intimidates me into submission and give you what I think it is that you want. At the moment of writing I am feeling sad. When I read responses that have an intonation that seems to suggest that the men should decide what happens in an intimate relationship I feel the weight of a burden that is put on the shoulders of the man in an intimate relationship when the power to determine what happens is not wholly for the man to decide.

I have joined a group of men. This group is holding trainings twice a year. Two sets of trainings happen in Cape Town and another set of two trainings happen in Johannesburg. The trainings help us men to look at our internal struggles and the issues that we carry in our society. As well as the impact that these actions do to you and the child when in I am in my dysfunctional mode. I personally have grown from the silent, ashamed, timid and avoiding man who used manipulation and people pleasing behaviour into one who can see his beauty and admit to the responsibility that which my actions are doing in my family BUT first I had to address that which it is doing to me. I could not do it alone and the help I get is fierce challenging facilitation from the men with whom I sit in a circle with and start exploring how to receive and to give love in a healthy way. It is not easy and it is painful work to admit to what is rightly pointed out in some of the replies here.

Power is with us both. One of us chooses to give away their power and the other uses it dysfunctionally. For me that is where the problem is, among others. When I read that men should decide or are the ones who are doing the wrong and the bad I feel angry and ashamed and guilty. I feel singled out, isolated and humiliated. The worst of that is the shame that I carry. I feel afraid to start doing anything about it because I tell myself that I need to have an ally to work with until I met this group of men. I feel isolated as is what anger does and if I happenned to be with other people I forced myself to invisible in the group and if there was food I would eat to suppress the discomfort of being with other people. When I used to drink that too was the easiest until it did not work, until the beatings also got worse in the home, and I drank more to cover up for what was going on inside me.

What would work for me is yes let us work with young people, yet through conversation and not domination(this is what you should do), How do I negotiate my way through the social pressures to fit in when I do not have space to understand the intricacies of what is going on inside me. When I read or hear some women speak about these issues, I read "You are the one to blame" "You are the cause of this" and YES I am part of the equation, how about you using your power to say NO. It is not easy and it does not get switched on in a day yet there is something about it that we both bring into the problem, how can we start to work on respecting each other's wants and needs without coercing, blaming, manipulation, threatening. What is going on for you when you are blaming me? I feel that you are also afraid or perhaps angry but I will not know it until we share a platform for us to share that. One thing that comes up in our trainings is the impact brought about the complex issues leading to the father being absent in the home and the impact of the dysfunctional loving care of the mother. Where in your caring as a mother do you strip off the man's manhood? I am raising these as a way for us to have conversation and not to 'return' blame. I might side step the issue by raising the 'mother' role in it and would like us to focus on solution and opportunity that this pandemic is bringing up for us particularly open debate and conversation that brings us closer than separate. How do we do that and where, if when is the issue for me.
The patriarchal system of our society can be and need to be interrogated due to the unearned privilege of being a man, the rank that I have as a social capital investment in society while on the hand, how does my power help me or destroy me. When I am not powerful I use force, how do I manage myself in such a way that I feel balance inside me.
Hi Gift

I am sorry about your bad experiences with your wife, as you have indicated that you learnt to be submissive from an early age and maybe that is one of the things your wife understoood about you but then took advantage of it. You might find that she also has deep seated unresolved emotional buggage hence she took it out on you, but nevertheless, I wish you all the best in raising your son and one day you may find a mother for him. I would like to know the organisation that is offering the support group for men. I am actually interested in the " young men development" as I believe that if boys can be taught at an early age how to be sexually responsible and also acceptable relationship behaviour, then maybe we will not have the high rate of domestic violence and unplanned pregnancies and step kids, etc. Please forward me the contact details of your organisation.

Regards
Nompumelelo
zisukumele@telkomsa.net
GIft said:
I am a man. I am a black man. I am raising my son as a single parent and I am unemployed. I parted from my wife because she beat me. The best I could do to be in the relationship was to keep silent, walk away or feel scared or drink to feel 'ok' in her presence. Coming home from work was a nightmare because I felt scared to come home.

I am one of a large group of men that are working on their issues, supported by other men having issues like these. To my knowledge I have not infected a woman with STI let alone HIV-AIDS yet I have been to the clinic several times to clean STI infection from women that I would have slept with after having negotiated for some time on building trust to eventually stop using the condom. In fact because I have a weak, insecure disposition when I am with a woman, I learnt from a very young age to not speak my mind or stand for myself because as a child each time that I did stand up to my mother I got a whacking and beatings that left neighbours wondering whether I would be alive the next day. I remember me being asked what I had done wrong and no one I remember of standing up to my mother to say what she was doing was wrong, oh that is a lie a few times but in passing. My alternative was to play a "yes" person to my mother and never got to be the man but a submissive one to my mother. I have carried this into all my relationships with women whether intimate or in the work environment. I feel afraid when I am with a woman because I do not know when is what is the right thing to do or to say. Your look intimidates me into submission and give you what I think it is that you want. At the moment of writing I am feeling sad. When I read responses that have an intonation that seems to suggest that the men should decide what happens in an intimate relationship I feel the weight of a burden that is put on the shoulders of the man in an intimate relationship when the power to determine what happens is not wholly for the man to decide.

I have joined a group of men. This group is holding trainings twice a year. Two sets of trainings happen in Cape Town and another set of two trainings happen in Johannesburg. The trainings help us men to look at our internal struggles and the issues that we carry in our society. As well as the impact that these actions do to you and the child when in I am in my dysfunctional mode. I personally have grown from the silent, ashamed, timid and avoiding man who used manipulation and people pleasing behaviour into one who can see his beauty and admit to the responsibility that which my actions are doing in my family BUT first I had to address that which it is doing to me. I could not do it alone and the help I get is fierce challenging facilitation from the men with whom I sit in a circle with and start exploring how to receive and to give love in a healthy way. It is not easy and it is painful work to admit to what is rightly pointed out in some of the replies here.

Power is with us both. One of us chooses to give away their power and the other uses it dysfunctionally. For me that is where the problem is, among others. When I read that men should decide or are the ones who are doing the wrong and the bad I feel angry and ashamed and guilty. I feel singled out, isolated and humiliated. The worst of that is the shame that I carry. I feel afraid to start doing anything about it because I tell myself that I need to have an ally to work with until I met this group of men. I feel isolated as is what anger does and if I happenned to be with other people I forced myself to invisible in the group and if there was food I would eat to suppress the discomfort of being with other people. When I used to drink that too was the easiest until it did not work, until the beatings also got worse in the home, and I drank more to cover up for what was going on inside me.

What would work for me is yes let us work with young people, yet through conversation and not domination(this is what you should do), How do I negotiate my way through the social pressures to fit in when I do not have space to understand the intricacies of what is going on inside me. When I read or hear some women speak about these issues, I read "You are the one to blame" "You are the cause of this" and YES I am part of the equation, how about you using your power to say NO. It is not easy and it does not get switched on in a day yet there is something about it that we both bring into the problem, how can we start to work on respecting each other's wants and needs without coercing, blaming, manipulation, threatening. What is going on for you when you are blaming me? I feel that you are also afraid or perhaps angry but I will not know it until we share a platform for us to share that. One thing that comes up in our trainings is the impact brought about the complex issues leading to the father being absent in the home and the impact of the dysfunctional loving care of the mother. Where in your caring as a mother do you strip off the man's manhood? I am raising these as a way for us to have conversation and not to 'return' blame. I might side step the issue by raising the 'mother' role in it and would like us to focus on solution and opportunity that this pandemic is bringing up for us particularly open debate and conversation that brings us closer than separate. How do we do that and where, if when is the issue for me.
The patriarchal system of our society can be and need to be interrogated due to the unearned privilege of being a man, the rank that I have as a social capital investment in society while on the hand, how does my power help me or destroy me. When I am not powerful I use force, how do I manage myself in such a way that I feel balance inside me.
Hi Des

I am happy you started this discussion about male involvement and leadership. I conduct life skills workshops in schools and have learnt from experience that boys tend to be sidelined when other social issues are discussed, e.g. when we talk about 'TEENAGE PREGNANCY' , we always focus on what young girls should do to prevent it and we do not encourage the boys to do the same, we empower the girls more than the boys. Hence, I decided to start a young men/ boy learner programme, and it is called " Mf'wethu Masikhulume, My Brother lets talk, My broer laat ons praat', the programme focuses on issues like Self-Awareness, Goal Setting, Decision Making, Healthy Relationships, Communication Skills, Anger Management,HIV and AIDS Prevention, Teenage Pregnancy Prevention, Community Service, etc. I strongly believe that if young boys can be empowered on these issues then we will see a decrease in violence in schools, decrease in unwanted pregnancies, decrease in the number of young men going to jail, decrease in the school drop-out rate. Boys have the power to bring about positive change in our society - that is our motto. We are constantly looking for schools who need our service. We also do a lot of teenage pregnancy prevention workshops and seminars and it is sad to learn that the teenage pregnancy rate is forever on the increase and we stand there for days and days preaching to the girls to say to no , to insist on condom use , to abstain, etc, and we forget the other party involved and sadly from the research that we conducted in schools and the workshops that we conducted, there is unfortunately evidence that most of these young girls who fall pregnant are impregnated by older men who are sometimes old enough to be their fathers and grandfathers, all because of what they can provide to these girls, i.e material things and money. YES, YES, I agree , men need to take responsibility for their actions, and I just get so angry when I learn that a 14 year old has been impregnated by a man who is about 40 years old, and you wonder if some people are aware of what is known as statutory rape.

The sad part of my research was that when trying to discourage these young girls from engaging in transactional sex, they would tell me straight that ' Mam, we do not have a choice, these people provide for us' , it is so sad to see how these young girls have been brainwashed into believing that transactional sex is the only solution to their problems. Nevertheless, I still get so angry at these men for taking an advantage of these young girls, these men are old enough to know better, what if it was their own child who was being manipulated by an older men.

I am tired of conducting these HIV prevention and teenage pregnancy prevention workshops, because I FEEL that we are just wasting our time when tallking to the girls BUT we can see an impact if we challenge the men who are involved in sex with these young girls, if we can directly challenge them and encourage them to stop what they are doing to our nation, they are really destroying the future of these young girls.

I do not want to talk about the challenges faced by OVCs( Orphaned and Vulnerable children ), how some men take advantage of these kids, it is really sad and disgusting.

If you would like us to come and talk to boys at your neighbouring school or at your church , we would gladly do so.

Regards
Nompumelelo
Hello Mpumi and other readers

I think we have a misrepresentation of what is happening in our country regarding the work men are doing regarding responding to the HIV-Aids pandemic. I did a google search and there things that men are doing towards contributing to this issue and I would like to read about that too in such forums as this one.The impact of misrepresentation as if to imply men are not coming to the debate typically for me feels alianating and it hurts to read such untruth meanwhile seemingly promoting that men are not good or doing good enough and then who then is good or doing the good?It appears that in my thoughts I end up feeling sidelined because who I am and what I do is not seen or recognised. Perhaps it is in the phrasing of issues or simply that what we want to put across is not languaged in amnner that reads from a place that we it to be read. I know and feel the intent comes from a good place of let's talk, let's deal with this issue however the way we do seems to hurt more that it attracts us to the table speaking for myself and I also knw that there are women who see and value what men do. In the same vein there are women trainings of the type mankind project does and the links are on the Mkp South Africa website links are given below.

Here is a simple example of some contributions men are doing in this article from one of my search results:
http://www1.voanews.com/english/news/a-13-2009-03-13-voa11-68775937...

In that search as well I foung the organisation that I volunteer with called The Mankind Project: have a look at these links:
http://www.mkp.org.za/caa/community.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGFNiW5Wy6U
http://nocal.mkp.org/node/127
http://www.usiko.org.za/m-people.htm#jam

There are also trainings for young boys in the same vein as the organisations mentioned above in the form of
http://www.boystomen.org/
Trainings take place in Johannesburg and Cape Town, meanwhile there are other groupings like the Men's Trust that I know operate in Cape Town.

I am grateful to that which happened because it has opened me to love and forgiveness.

Nompumelelo Promise Mokhine said:
Hi Gift

I am sorry about your bad experiences with your wife, as you have indicated that you learnt to be submissive from an early age and maybe that is one of the things your wife understoood about you but then took advantage of it. You might find that she also has deep seated unresolved emotional buggage hence she took it out on you, but nevertheless, I wish you all the best in raising your son and one day you may find a mother for him. I would like to know the organisation that is offering the support group for men. I am actually interested in the " young men development" as I believe that if boys can be taught at an early age how to be sexually responsible and also acceptable relationship behaviour, then maybe we will not have the high rate of domestic violence and unplanned pregnancies and step kids, etc. Please forward me the contact details of your organisation.

Regards
Nompumelelo
zisukumele@telkomsa.net
Hi Gift
I agree with you totally. In previous articles I have referred to some of the institutions and organisations for men who are doing great work. The problem however is that so much is being done and there are so many organisations available to us but we have to google in order to find out about them.

We need men and mens organisations to be more active and more visible. Men need to stand out in their fight against what is happening particularly in the fight against HIV/AIDS and abuse of women. Men need to stand up and be counted. Men need to speak out about what they disagree with and agree with. Silence is no longer golden. Men must speak out - particularly on forums such as this.

GIft said:
Hello Mpumi and other readers

I think we have a misrepresentation of what is happening in our country regarding the work men are doing regarding responding to the HIV-Aids pandemic. I did a google search and there things that men are doing towards contributing to this issue and I would like to read about that too in such forums as this one.The impact of misrepresentation as if to imply men are not coming to the debate typically for me feels alianating and it hurts to read such untruth meanwhile seemingly promoting that men are not good or doing good enough and then who then is good or doing the good?It appears that in my thoughts I end up feeling sidelined because who I am and what I do is not seen or recognised. Perhaps it is in the phrasing of issues or simply that what we want to put across is not languaged in amnner that reads from a place that we it to be read. I know and feel the intent comes from a good place of let's talk, let's deal with this issue however the way we do seems to hurt more that it attracts us to the table speaking for myself and I also knw that there are women who see and value what men do. In the same vein there are women trainings of the type mankind project does and the links are on the Mkp South Africa website links are given below.

Here is a simple example of some contributions men are doing in this article from one of my search results:
http://www1.voanews.com/english/news/a-13-2009-03-13-voa11-68775937...

In that search as well I foung the organisation that I volunteer with called The Mankind Project: have a look at these links:
http://www.mkp.org.za/caa/community.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGFNiW5Wy6U
http://nocal.mkp.org/node/127
http://www.usiko.org.za/m-people.htm#jam

There are also trainings for young boys in the same vein as the organisations mentioned above in the form of
http://www.boystomen.org/
Trainings take place in Johannesburg and Cape Town, meanwhile there are other groupings like the Men's Trust that I know operate in Cape Town.

I am grateful to that which happened because it has opened me to love and forgiveness.

Nompumelelo Promise Mokhine said:
Hi Gift

I am sorry about your bad experiences with your wife, as you have indicated that you learnt to be submissive from an early age and maybe that is one of the things your wife understoood about you but then took advantage of it. You might find that she also has deep seated unresolved emotional buggage hence she took it out on you, but nevertheless, I wish you all the best in raising your son and one day you may find a mother for him. I would like to know the organisation that is offering the support group for men. I am actually interested in the " young men development" as I believe that if boys can be taught at an early age how to be sexually responsible and also acceptable relationship behaviour, then maybe we will not have the high rate of domestic violence and unplanned pregnancies and step kids, etc. Please forward me the contact details of your organisation.

Regards
Nompumelelo
zisukumele@telkomsa.net
GIft said:
Hello Mpumi and other readers

I think we have a misrepresentation of what is happening in our country regarding the work men are doing regarding responding to the HIV-Aids pandemic. I did a google search and there things that men are doing towards contributing to this issue and I would like to read about that too in such forums as this one.The impact of misrepresentation as if to imply men are not coming to the debate typically for me feels alianating and it hurts to read such untruth meanwhile seemingly promoting that men are not good or doing good enough and then who then is good or doing the good?It appears that in my thoughts I end up feeling sidelined because who I am and what I do is not seen or recognised. Perhaps it is in the phrasing of issues or simply that what we want to put across is not languaged in amnner that reads from a place that we it to be read. I know and feel the intent comes from a good place of let's talk, let's deal with this issue however the way we do seems to hurt more that it attracts us to the table speaking for myself and I also knw that there are women who see and value what men do. In the same vein there are women trainings of the type mankind project does and the links are on the Mkp South Africa website links are given below.

Here is a simple example of some contributions men are doing in this article from one of my search results:
http://www1.voanews.com/english/news/a-13-2009-03-13-voa11-68775937...

In that search as well I foung the organisation that I volunteer with called The Mankind Project: have a look at these links:
http://www.mkp.org.za/caa/community.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGFNiW5Wy6U
http://nocal.mkp.org/node/127
http://www.usiko.org.za/m-people.htm#jam

There are also trainings for young boys in the same vein as the organisations mentioned above in the form of
http://www.boystomen.org/
Trainings take place in Johannesburg and Cape Town, meanwhile there are other groupings like the Men's Trust that I know operate in Cape Town.

I am grateful to that which happened because it has opened me to love and forgiveness.

Nompumelelo Promise Mokhine said:
Hi Gift

I am sorry about your bad experiences with your wife, as you have indicated that you learnt to be submissive from an early age and maybe that is one of the things your wife understoood about you but then took advantage of it. You might find that she also has deep seated unresolved emotional buggage hence she took it out on you, but nevertheless, I wish you all the best in raising your son and one day you may find a mother for him. I would like to know the organisation that is offering the support group for men. I am actually interested in the " young men development" as I believe that if boys can be taught at an early age how to be sexually responsible and also acceptable relationship behaviour, then maybe we will not have the high rate of domestic violence and unplanned pregnancies and step kids, etc. Please forward me the contact details of your organisation.

Regards
Nompumelelo
zisukumele@telkomsa.net
GIft said:
Hello Mpumi and other readers

I think we have a misrepresentation of what is happening in our country regarding the work men are doing regarding responding to the HIV-Aids pandemic. I did a google search and there things that men are doing towards contributing to this issue and I would like to read about that too in such forums as this one.The impact of misrepresentation as if to imply men are not coming to the debate typically for me feels alianating and it hurts to read such untruth meanwhile seemingly promoting that men are not good or doing good enough and then who then is good or doing the good?It appears that in my thoughts I end up feeling sidelined because who I am and what I do is not seen or recognised. Perhaps it is in the phrasing of issues or simply that what we want to put across is not languaged in amnner that reads from a place that we it to be read. I know and feel the intent comes from a good place of let's talk, let's deal with this issue however the way we do seems to hurt more that it attracts us to the table speaking for myself and I also knw that there are women who see and value what men do. In the same vein there are women trainings of the type mankind project does and the links are on the Mkp South Africa website links are given below.

Here is a simple example of some contributions men are doing in this article from one of my search results:
http://www1.voanews.com/english/news/a-13-2009-03-13-voa11-68775937...

In that search as well I foung the organisation that I volunteer with called The Mankind Project: have a look at these links:
http://www.mkp.org.za/caa/community.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGFNiW5Wy6U
http://nocal.mkp.org/node/127
http://www.usiko.org.za/m-people.htm#jam

There are also trainings for young boys in the same vein as the organisations mentioned above in the form of
http://www.boystomen.org/
Trainings take place in Johannesburg and Cape Town, meanwhile there are other groupings like the Men's Trust that I know operate in Cape Town.

I am grateful to that which happened because it has opened me to love and forgiveness.

Nompumelelo Promise Mokhine said:
Hi Gift

I am sorry about your bad experiences with your wife, as you have indicated that you learnt to be submissive from an early age and maybe that is one of the things your wife understoood about you but then took advantage of it. You might find that she also has deep seated unresolved emotional buggage hence she took it out on you, but nevertheless, I wish you all the best in raising your son and one day you may find a mother for him. I would like to know the organisation that is offering the support group for men. I am actually interested in the " young men development" as I believe that if boys can be taught at an early age how to be sexually responsible and also acceptable relationship behaviour, then maybe we will not have the high rate of domestic violence and unplanned pregnancies and step kids, etc. Please forward me the contact details of your organisation.

Regards
Nompumelelo
zisukumele@telkomsa.net

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